A Bundle of Joy

Tonight J had soccer at SUNYA. I love going back there with the kids.It is where Rob and I met. It has such a special place in my heart. The first place that I saw my future husband. I knew he was different from everyone else I had met before him. I knew he was the one for me. So here I am almost 18 years (oh NO I didn't just realize it had been THAT long.) and I am taking my son to soccer clinic/camp there. M went with us tonight. She was upfront with me and asked if we could get some cheesecake while he was there.Since her homework was finished I was happy to have her company. The conversation on the ride to Albany focused on the speech M wants to give at her 6th grade graduation. She's a little miffed because only students who have attended LCS for their entire school careers are eligible to write a speech. So I told her she could write a speech and give it at Pegasus (a local restaurant and where Rob & I had our wedding reception) after the graduation. (So Rob, we should probably talk about this little plan of mine AND make some reservations. LOL) Part of the speech is supposed to be about what they are looking forward to in 7th grade. First of all, how did my sweet little M become an almost SEVENTH grader???? She is so funny about all of the fun things she is looking forward to next year. She certainly has been busy observing her brother and all the benefits of being in 7th grade. (if only she'd put that effort into her spelling tests, but that is another post) She was so cute. Then she tilted her head at me, grinned and said, "I'm just a bundle of joy." I cracked up just typing it because she is so funny. I adore her.

I was happy that she actually tried on and loved a white dress with purple flowers on it. I didn't think we'd find something that she'd be interested in since she is not a "dressy" girl. With a dress up chapel at school this week, Easter, a spring concert and 6th grade graduation it should get plenty of wear which is rare when she seems to jump up a size every few months. J was even in need of a new dress shirt. I was able to find TWO in a size 18. How is it possible for him to be so big? He has the LONGEST arms and will soon be needing to head over to the MEN's department.

Tomorrow is another auction in M'sclass. Each quarter around report card time, her teacher holds an auction. The students "earn" money that they then use to bid on items that students and the teacher donate. M has become the aggressive bidder at these auctions. She was a little out of hand after the first auction.... even started a mini acution at home with Halloween candy. She had her brothers and sister bid on candy that she didn't want with REAL MONEY. We had to have a little chat and implement a "no auctions" rule in our home after that one. So tomorrow I get to see M in action at one of these auctions. I'm giving up my volunteer time at the library to help out with it. M is very happy because I don't get to attend many things at school since I watch my nieces three days a week. I am happy too. I love that M WANTS me at school functions. I adore her. My goodness she is ALMOST 12. Where did the time go? (Pathetic mom moment, but seriously I LOVE being their mom and don't want them to grow up and not be around as much.... okay VERY pathetic mom moment... deep breath and it'll pass. I sincerely enjoy their company though and truly treasure nights like tonight.)

So the conversation on the ride home was about college life, classes, Regents tests, our wedding, reception and where we went on our honeymoon. M asked why if you don't get married until after college that you would date in high school. I explained that I made some questionable choices between 16 - 21 and although I don't regret them because they all lead to my meeting Rob, I do feel that they weren't choices that God wanted for me. Most of my choices were rooted out of my hurt, anger and confusion from my childhood. Fortunately, God watched over me and kept me safe from my own bad choices. I hope our kids come from a home of deep roots. That they can make decisions from a loving foundation based on what God wants for them. I adore them. They are such great kids, so centered.

So my almost 12 year old daughter called herself "a bundle of joy" and she couldn't be more correct. She truly is a bundle of joy... as are my other 4 children. It was nice to see hang out with them tonight, laugh and chat. These are the parenting moments that I cherish. That I know (or at least HOPE a lot) that I am truly a good mom. That I am doing MORE than just better than what my mom did. I pray that God is working through me in their lives.

I look forward to see what tomorrow brings... and the many tomorrows after. How blessed am I. (Martina McBride sings a song entitled something like Blessed and I love it.)

So today was another day of 5 & 2 Scotts. Amen.

Father Christmas and the Evil Dwarf

The 8th grade put on The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe on Friday and Saturday. The kids did a phenomenal job.I'm not sure why I was so surprised since they are such a great group of kids. J played the parts of Father Christmas and the Evil Dwarf to the White Witch. There is something special watching your child do something that is so outside his comfort zone. He did not ask us to help him with his lines once. He just worked on it on his own, read the lines, memorized them and did it. The hardest part for him, (I think) was having to wear make up on stage. He did ask my help getting him the make up. Nothing like your 13 year old son asking you to pick up stage make up for him... and he stays in the car while you do it. So funny. At least he needed my help for SOMETHING. So here are some of the photos from the play.




J as Father Christmas

J joked that Father Christmas was giving sharp objects and magic potions to young children.

The Evil Dwarf with a whip.

waving the white flag for his Queen

The White Witch, Edmond and the Evil Dwarf

A New Beginning

Tomorrow is a new beginning in our family. H came home for another visit today. It went very well. Rob and I decided that if was time to bring H home. So tomorrow is a new beginning for our family. We will all be back home together again. The kids were all happy to hear the news. We'll take it one day at a time and try to build on the baby steps we made this weekend.
It's going to be a busy week here in the Scott house. J is getting ready for the 8th grade play coming up this Friday and Saturday. Softball and Little League season is in full swing. The kids got to spend A LOT of time outside this weekend. N got moved up to a bigger bike with only one training wheel. He calls it his trike.
The drama of the day was that L has holes in his sneakers. Not a big deal because he has a new pair of sneakers that he hasn't been wearing. (I'm not sure why except that the "holey" sneakers have Ben 10 on them and are velcro.) So what's the problem you ask. He can only find ONE of the "new" sneakers. I am at a loss. Do we let him wear the "holey" sneakers or make him wear the one shoe he did find and hop around on one foot? I KNOW the answer to this one, but I'm pretty frustrated with him right now. It bugs me to have him wear "holey" sneaks but only half as much as it does that I planned ahead and got him new ones and now he can't find one of them. So if you see a kid hopping around in new red tie sneaks, you'll know it's my L. Yes, I know I have bigger issues going on in our house but somehow it is a relief to focus on something relatively mundane for a moment.

The other big thing for the weekend is that I actually made four more "spring" wreaths. I have spent the evening coming up with a tag to hang on them. I found a songbook with a song titled "Tis Springtime" that I want to add to it as the finishing touch. I really like how they turned out. I'll try to get some pictures up on my It's All Good blog @ itsallgooddebbie.blogspot.com 
I hope you come by and check them out.

Baby Steps and splash some water on your face

Today was a special day. Not only is today the first day of spring but today was H's first visit home from respite.

On Thursday Rob and I attended H's therapy session and the focus was on H coming up with positive alternative to screaming when she gets mad. She seemed to not like any of the suggestions that were offered to her and could not come up with any of her own. Rob and I were very disappointed that she seemed unwilling to work on making things better for when she came home.

The therapist suggested that I create a situation that would normally upset H when she was home on her visit today and then work through it in a new way. I did my part and pushed some issues with her. She became agitated and was about to blow. Then I got some paper and said, "Let's come up with some other things you could do." That did not go over too well. "I'm to mad to do that." "That's a great place to start. We'll make that number 1, 'Tell mom that I'm mad.'" We added some others like taking deep breaths. All the while I am astounded that this is actually working. I suggested that she splash some cold water on her face. She looked doubtful but went to the bathroom and did it. The look on her dripping wet face was priceless! "I feel better!!!!" I explained that that was why they call it "cooling off". She told me how hot she gets when she is mad and that it felt better. There was a calmness that came over her. It was the first time she had actually done something different (something she thought was "weird") and it worked.

She signed the back of the list and then shared it with the rest of the family. N wanted to sign it too. The rest of followed his lead and signed it as a show of support for H and also as our commitment to follow the same list of alternatives of things to try when we are mad as a family. Pretty cool! I'm not thinking this is the solution to all of our problems but it is a baby step. H is so happy that she actually got mad and made a better choice than screaming. She saw for herself that she can make better choices and it really did work. I am so happy for her.

I told her that today is not only the first day of spring but a day of new beginnings for her.

My son's first dance

Last night the elementary school held a 50's Sock Hop. I really didn't give it much thought except that it would be a nice night to stay home. Friday morning N (our kindergartener) mentioned that HE likes to dance and would like to go to it. Whoopsie! So that evening I rolled up his pant cuffs, put on a Hawaiian shirt (his choice because he wanted to look nice for a certain little classmate) and then he aske ME "What did the women wear back then?" "Puffy skirts." He gives my outfit an up and down glance and looks at me with that look. "N do you want mommy to wear a skirt????" So I tried on a skirt and just wasn't into it so I told him that mommy would roll up her jeans like his. He seemed to accept that idea and was skipping into the school when we arrived. (I wish I had a video clip to insert here of his skipping.)

It was quite the affair with girls in poodle skirts and boys in cuffed jeans, slicked hair and white tshirts. His special friend did not show up and I think he was a little disappointed. Fortunately some of the boys from his class were there so they had a good time doing the chicken dance and the hokey pokey. Then SHE came wearing a poufy tourquoise and black skirt. Not the girl N was waiting for but obviously a girl who wanted to dance with HIM. Boy was she a dancer! She chased him around and got him to dance with her. He actually liked it. There was one song that just wasn't his kind of music. (my kindergartener has a "type of dance music" how funny is that) She came up to me during a slow song and said, "He won't dance with me." He looked at me and said, "I don't know how." So I explained that he could just hold her hands and sort of rock back and forth. It was adorable. Now I am so NOT into the whole boy-girl thing. But it is my son and he is just so nice to the girls in his class. He doesn't rough house like a lot of the boys do. He is thoughtful and will dance with a girl. (He was the only boy who did and I don't think he realizes it because to him he was just being nice and having fun.) I want him to be a gentleman and be respectful and kind to girls now so that the foundation is there.

He is the same boy that told me that it is "not appropriate" for the girl in his class to make sweet faces to him because she is only a kindergartener. Then again he DID wear his Hawaiian shirt to look nice for this same girl. LOL

The sweetest part was that as we were leaving he asked me to roll his cuffs back down so he could go back to being himself again. Then he asked me if I would fix my cuffs too so I'd be "myself" again too.

He brought home a small decoration that fell to the floor. He showed his siblings at the restaurant we went to for pizza after the dance. "Look at the CD I got!" Yes dear, there were "cd" decorations at the 50's sock hop. Welcome to 2010!

Choose your own adventure

Do you remember the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books? I loved reading them as a kid. The idea of reading along and being able to CHOOSE what happened next in the story was just so cool. "If you choose to open the door turn to page 53. If you choose to look behind the curtain turn to page 78." If you make a choice that leads to being eaten by a monster or stomped on by a dinosaur then you can always backtrack and find out where you made a bad choice and then reread the book with a new happier ending.

Today I was sharing with someone who I consider a sister about how things have been going. I haven't felt able to speak about it without crying until last night so I've been keeping to myself. A little retail therapy, starting and actually completing a craft, getting lost in blog world and adding to my own two blogs have kept my mind busy... not completely distracted but busy. I think about our daughter and wonder how she is all day long. I know in my heart that this is for all of our good in the long run. It is terribly painful and I second guess EVERYTHING. So I was talking with my "sister" and I suddenly remembered those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. I am trying so hard to make the right choices going forward. It is so difficult to know what the right choices are for my daughter and for our family as a whole. I pray that the right choice for one is also the right choice for all of us.

Unlike in the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, in life there are no opportunities to remake your choices to change the ending of the story. We make choices and hope that they are the "right" ones. I don't know how this story will turn out. I'm just hoping to avoid the "monsters and dinosaurs" along the way.

I am ever so thankful to know that God is truly the one in charge of all of this. I am going on blind faith and trust in Him most days. I do know that wherever my sweet girl is tonight that He is with her. He knows her heart and He is going to help us all get through this. How does that saying go, "Whatever God brings you to, He'll also bring you through." 

On a different note, we have 4 other children. Tonight I was able to spend some special time with our 2 oldest children. We went out to dinner at Chillis and then went out to get my oldest daughter some new shoes for dress up chapel at their school on Thursday. Her ever growing feet were a size 7.5 at the last dress up day and now they have stretched out to a size 8.5. At least her dress still fits her! I just love hanging out with them, talking with them and listening to them chat to each other is so much fun. Our two youngest sons got to go out to dinner with Nana and Rob got spent some time working on Little League/Softball stuff. Overall I'd say it was a good night for the 5 & 2 Scotts.

Home is where your heart is

What a rough weekend. At the advice of our daughter's therapist we did not go visit her. It was awful... for US. She called us tonight. Today there were a lot of visitors and home visits. She told me that ****** House is a "home". I told her that that was not true. Just because you share meals there, have a bed there and have a good time there does not make it "home." Home is where your family is, it's where you want to be when you are away. I explained that even when we stay in a house on vacation in North Carolina it is not our "home". Then I said, "Honey there is a saying that goes, Home is where your heart is." "oh... my heart is no wheres" It was only by the grace of God that I made it through that phone call without bawling my eyes out. I reminded her about our conversation with her therapist on Thursday and how she was asked, "Given a choice would you want to stay at ******* house or at home?"  I asked her if she remembered her answer and she said, "I said home." "No sweetie you said, 'That's a hard question.'" "OH, now I remember. That's not good." "Sweetie do you remember what I said about good and bad and the truth... the truth is like a rainbow after a storm and lies are like dog poop. If it's the truth then we can deal with it. I want you to share the truth about how you are feelling no matter how "not good" you think it is. That is the only way we are going to be able to help you and help our family."

How sad that my sweet girl does not know where her heart is. How sad that she doesn't really understand what "home" means. How wonderful that she was finally able to share that with us. Maybe we really are doing the right thing by giving her some space to feel. So we are doing the best we can to help our daughter find her way. We are praying that God is speaking into her life and helping her find her heart.

I haven't really been thinking about you

It's not easy being a parent. Yeah I know I thought I'd start with the obvious. One of the reasons I've decided to focus this blog to writing about our family is to reach out to other families who are going through similar situations. Today my younger daughter is on my mind. We adopted her from China when she was 9 months old. Looking back the signs were there and we did see them. I just don't think we fully grasped the depth of attachment disorder and the struggles that would come with it. She is 8 years old now and we are now beginning to understand what this means for us as a family and a little for her as an individual.
 I can say without a doubt that although she does care about us, she could take us or leave us. That is a very difficult thing to accept. That became clear to me yesterday. You see, on Tuesday morning Rob and I brought her to a respite care group home. That was the hardest decision we have had to make as parents. It became clear after her two younger brothers met with the therapist and they are obviously very stressed over her regular outbursts and various other behaviours that play havoc on our daily life. I was so accustomed to the stress level in our home (and having grown up in a very stress filled home) that I didn't realize the effect it was having on the other kids. It became clear that we needed some time to work together as a family and work on strategies to help decrease the stress and help the 6 of us feel that we have some control when she is out of control.

So yesterday Rob and I went to pick her up for her therapy session. She was sitting at the table doing school work when we arrived. She came over said hello and I love you and then bounced back over to the table. We were surprised that she didn't go get her stuff to come with us. We asked the hosue manager if our daughter was aware of why we were there. She looked quizzically over at her and said that they had been talking about it all morning. So Rob went over and told her it was time to go.

Rob left from there to go to the Math Olympics for our oldest two children while I took her to therapy.
What can I say, when asked if she would prefer staying at the house vs home she actually said, "That's a hard question." When asked about if she missed us she looked at me and said, "I don't really think of mom. Not to hurt your feelings. I just don't think about mom." She has become very excited about her new "friends" H who left the house already and was only there for her first day and M who is her other new "friend". You would think they were long lost friends. She was so animated when talking about them. When asked about her family she seemed to ponder the question trying to figure out what the therapist wanted to hear, what the "right" answer was. It was very clear that she is not allowing herself to feel anything towards us. Worse she may not have deep feelings towards us. Rob and I know that this is the truth. We've known our daughter for almost 8 years now and have never felt that we were any more to her than anyone else she comes across in life. It is a painfully sad realization. I don't want to believe this. How can someone not have affection for their own parents or even if she just thinks of us as people she lives with... it's been almost 8 years and still nothing or possibly the most basic feelings towards us. We love this little girl so much and are willing to do whatever it takes to help get through to her heart, to break down these thick walls that she seems to have put up to protect herself. (These are my hopes, that she is capable of real feelings towards others... the other option is something I am not ready to accept)

If you have a child with attachment disorder I would love to hear from you. We are prepared to take this journey wherever it takes us but would love to have a heads up from anyone who has btdt (been there done that). It can seem like a lonely journey a lot of the times. Please keep our daughter and the rest of our family in your prayers.

Spreading Sunshine and Giggles (I hope)

     Major breakthrough on the blogfront (a play on the word "homefront"). I have been struggling with what direction to take this blog. I want to share about what is going on with our family up to a point. We are a pretty normal family if there is such a thing. We also have some issues that we deal with that relate to international adoption, attachment disorder, a marriage, trying to raise our children Christian in the real world, and mostly just always trying to find a way to stay BALANCED. I know that I find blogs written by women who write with an open, honest heart with a touch of humor tossed in to keep it real, incredibly encouraging. If this blog becomes a ray of sunshine on someone's rainy day or adds a giggle to your cup of morning coffee then it will have become what I intended.

     I have started a new blog for my attempts at recreating and maybe even creating some little lovelies for my home that I find out in blogworld. I have always been too timid to actuallly follow through (and maybe just fear of being less than perfect) on these great crafts and ideas that I find while on this journey in blogworld or in a magazine. So now I have a place to get to it. It's called "It's All Good" and it's a place for me to be less than perfect. Please stop by when you can.

Who do you lean on when coffee just won't get you through?

So today was one of those days. All the coffee in the world wasn't going to get me through. This morning I knew I wouldn't make it through without God's strength. Why is it that it takes a day like today for me to be aware of how much I need God? There was one point in my day where I was driving through my town and wondered WHO could help me... WHO I could lean on and that is when I realized that this God of mine is pretty awesome. Not that I didn't know that already, but sometimes it's like I'm realizing it in a whole new way. It's kind of like reading a bible verse that you've read before but on that day at that particular moment it has a whole new meaning to you.

So today is a new day. A day of new beginnings. A day of tears, a few smiles between the tears and most of all a day of hope. I just want to thank God for sending some special people my way today... a few people who knew what kind of day I was having and offered words of encouragement and support. In a world of emails, twitter (not that I tweet), text messaging, IM, facebook, and so many other ways to keep in touch "at arms length", it is truly special to have someone look you in the eye and say, "I care." It takes a lot to actually say those two simple words... and it is much easier to just walk away without saying them aloud. "I care." It seems to me that that is God's message to us and maybe we need to reach out to share that message with each other more often.




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My Very First "It's All Good Monday"

Yay me!!!!!!
Thanks to http://funkyjunkinteriors.blogspot.com/2009/09/improving-your-blog-tips-add-signature.html
I now have a signature for my humble blog. I am quite delitghted to say the least and very excited to have some pretty bling for my blog. I have been thinking and thinking about this blog for the past two weeks trying to figure out what direction I want it to go in. I've been toying with dedicating certain days of the week to something to help keep me on track. I've thought about "White Wednesdays" as an example. It certainly would help me focus. Let's get real here... my life can be a little hectic at times and taking the time to FOCUS all of the IDEAS that I have bouncing around my head seems somewhat daunting at times. So what do I do.... wander around blog world and find my new best blog friend at Funky Junk Interiors. So what shall I start with? Those who know me face to face know that my favorite saying is "It's All Good." My under 6 soccer team last summer was even called "It's All Good" because we needed team sponsors (hard to get in this economy) so I happily sponsored Nate's team. Seeing all of the kids on my team running around with soccer jerseys that had "It's All Good" across their backs just kept me smiling all summer. So I think we'll start with an "It's All Good Monday" and today my lovely signature is making me smile. (which is extra special because this is not going to be an easy week for the 5 & 2 Scotts but we'll talk about that another time)



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