Today is my daughter's 10th birthday. I spent the evening making some very special s'mores cupcakes for her to bring to school. Ever since we started watching Cupcake Wars our family has taken cupcakes much more seriously. I found this fabulous recipe at Teacher by Day, Chef by Night. I must confess that I did use a boxed chocolate cake mix for the cupcakes. I did make the graham cracker bottom layer and the marshmallow butter cream frosting. It feels so good to have your children beam with delight at something you did for them or made for them. It felt particularly good to see her face when she saw the cupcakes this morning. Then we gave her one of the new outfits for her birthday so she could wear it to school today. There are two things my girl loves are treats to eat and a new outfit. All I want to be is a MOM to her. It is so difficult having her so desperately need to keep distance between us so she can feel safe. It breaks my heart. But today I am thinking of someone else's broken heart. The woman who gave birth to her. The woman who carried her under her heart for 9 months and then circumstances beyond her control lead her to give her sweet baby girl up. We'll probably never know what happened or why it happened. All I do know is that those circumstances lead to this sweet girl to come into our lives. How incredibly amazing is it that a child born half way around the world in a place that we had never been to would one day be matched to us in some business office. It was actually someone's "job" to match a baby girl to her forever family. That is mind boggling to me. Before that even happened though, there was one day, one moment that someone had to set her down and with every once of willpower they could muster, turn around and walk away. My chest hurt just typing this so I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like. I am swallowing back the cry that I feel that is caught in my throat, blinking back the tears, and take a moment to say a prayer for them. I share a lot on here about the challenges that come with this disorder that our daughter carries with her. That one moment left her with such a profound loss. A loss that was the beginning to her RAD. A day that was the beginning of her journey to us, her forever family. Today we celebrate her birthday. She is now 10 years old. We get to celebrate her life with her. Today is a very special day. My little girl is 10, DOUBLE DIGITS!!!! So exciting. Such a happy day to celebrate. A day to remember, a day to make a wish and look forward to another wonderful day as her mom, and she is my daughter.
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