Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I am a Warrior

The major motivation for our move was to be closer to our church. We were there (in some combination of us) 4 nights a week and then on Sundays. It was a 35 minute drive one way and was just taking up our family time, let alone homework, and eating dinner together as a family time. Recently my youngest asked me, "So why did we move again?" "Do you remember all the time we were spending in the car going back and forth to church at night and how you had to come along on nights that daddy wasn't home even on nights that it was for Justin or Megan?" "OH yeah! Now I remember. I used to get grumpy about that. I don't like being out all night."

We still have ties to our old community since our family lives there and our kids still are involved in sports there. It is difficult realizing that some people take it personally when you move. It's very difficult to try and understand the mentallity of  "you moved... so you must think you are better than us" or the idea that "you moved so you have no right to be involved here anymore".  We sacrificed a lot to move in order to be closer to our church. Our life is pretty much all about church, the kids' school and the kids' sports.

For me, I get to continue in a great bible study group. Currently we are studying with the book, "Fashioned for Intimacy". God wants restoration of the first relationship between man and woman as image bearers of God. We need our eyes and hearts opened to how the enemy (satan) has worked to break that union with distrust, fear and suspision between man and woman. Through man and woman together, God is fully revealed. In order for this to come to pass, we need to begin to see how God created us as women and men and stop believing the lies that satan has been whispering to us about ourselves and about each other. When we, women, have the "eyes of our understanding" opened we are able to move in a realm of spiritual authority that is powerful. We are then able to see the enemy's tactics against our family members and we are then able to use the power we have in God against him. We become the virtuous warrior that God intended us to be in our families. (Chapter 10 is called the Warrior Woman) When God declared satan our enemy in the Garden of Eden, He was declaring the WE are Satan's enemy as well. As believers, we are the ones called into battle against our enemy and we need to fight off Satan's attempts at breaking apart our families and leading our children astray with his lies.

In our family, Satan has been able to use our daughter's attachment disorder to whisper many lies to us. I had questioned God's hand in this, why He would do this not only to her but to our family. The outlook for attachment disorder generally does not look good. Our daughter believes MANY lies about herself and of those who love her. It has been a constant attack from satan and a battle in our home, both spiritually and literally. This bible study has opened my eyes to these lies and have shown me who I am in Christ and what my true role is in our family. I know longer see myself in battle with my daughter or against attachment disorder. I now see that what man intended for bad, God intended for good. (I know there is a bible verse to insert here but I want to continue this thought) By seeing myself as the enemy of satan, I can see God's truths. The truth is that God did intend for our daughter to be adopted by us, she is part of God's plan, God does love me and her and He desires me to allow Him to work in her life. I need to see my enemy for who and what he is, the father of all lies. If you are familiar at all with attachment disorder then you know how invasive lying is with these children. I need to stand on God's truths and fight off the arrows of lies that are being directed at me and the members of my family. God can use attachment disorder for our good. (WOW now that is a new thought and could only be from God) I have been fighting the wrong enemy. I have been seeing the enemy's disguise. I'm not sure people who do not experience attachment disorder within their homes can truly understand how easily satan can use it. Being "rejected" as a mother by a child that you love and loved long before they were even born is devastating. It attacked every weakness and insecurity I have. I did realize that I wasn't truly the person that I was being treated like, but it didn't change the fact that one person in my life, my child, was acting as if I was. She rejected all the love I offered her because that very love was what she feared the most. For her love meant being hurt. It was and is easier for her not to receive love because that way she can not be abandoned or hurt again. It is a horrible disorder. It is a disorder that satan used to try and take me down with. I was becoming the person the LIES were telling me I was. "God must not love you." "You aren't a good mother."  "Maybe all the pain you suffered as a child that lead to your desire to adopt was all a big joke on you and no good was ever to come out of it."

Now my eyes and heart have been opened to God's truths. I now see that I am a warrior fighting for my family. I need to put on the whole armour of God and protect myself and them.

I am a warrior and you can be one too.


1 comment:

  1. This whole journey is such a spiritual battle. And you are totally right. We're not battling our child (though it sure feels like it!) but against the enemy of God. Anytime you see progress you also see Satan working to steal it away. I see this so much in my RAD kids. I have had to disconnect so much from my son to continue to parent him. It allows me to use my spiritual armor and not let Satan get a stronghold. Well, on the good days anyway. The bad days. They are very, very bad. You keep fighting and knowing I'm right here supporting you and lifting you up.